10 Feb Length Matters
Even the following pictures do not do it justice. This car is simply, without a doubt, absolutely freaking massive.
The first comment to come out of everybody’s mouth at Fluid was not some remark about how beautiful the car is, or how this was the same model (but not the same generation) that served as Jack Kennedy’s last ride with Jackie O, but instead they chose to lambast the size. Which is completely understandable, since this was the longest Lincoln ever produced without the addition of 5-mph safety bumpers. It’s as long as three wide parking spaces (227.2 inches, to be exact), and it’s got enough room in its bench seats for the entire cast of Jersey Shore. But we won’t be putting them in this car any time soon; the owner did not specify that he wanted to cover the interior’s leather with beer-vomit and hair gel.
In your humble narrator’s opinion, this car is one of the ultimate culminations of America’s excesses of the 1950s, mixed with the beginning of the greatest generation of American automobiles. This car came from a time where American cars were held above all else, revered in every corner of the world. Now we make the Chrysler Sebring.
The rise of organized crime in America during Prohibition was still going strong, and many of these mobsters must have graduated from engineering and design schools, since the Lincoln’s trunk is big enough for several dead bodies. The size of the trunk meant the convertible top needed some space, too, so the length of the Lincoln required to store the convertible top is almost as long as the trunk section. We’re beginning to see just why this vehicle was built at such an absurd length; in order to accomodate all the lavish trimmings such as a full trunk and a full convertible top, it just had to be made this long. Either that or traffic jams weren’t long enough yet.
Speaking of lavish trimmings, this car is bedecked with all sorts of old-school charm mixed with vehicular add-ons that many didn’t even know existed at this time. In terms of old-school charm, this anaconda of a car has the old Lincoln hood ornament, a relic that seems to get more and more hard to find each year, unless you’ve got a Rolls Royce sitting in your driveway. Also, the whitewall tires keep the vintage look alive as well.
And we haven’t even discussed the interior of this car yet (with the exception of the earlier Jersey Shore commentary)! Bench seats in the front are one of the saddest departures from automobiles, and you can hear teenagers all over the world crying in agony as they jam their knee into the center console while trying to get closer to their date at Makeout Peak. Actually, Makeout Peaks may not exist anymore, either. Damn you, 21st century!
Moving into more specific things about the interior, it’s got power windows! What seems like standard equipment today was actually pretty ritzy back in the Sixties, and many who never got a chance to experience that decade would be hard-pressed to know that this technology even existed at this point. Granted, how the power windows actually operated are totally different between then and now, but it’s interesting to see what forty-year old automotive toggle switches looked like. Also, there are approximately seventy-seven ashtrays scattered about this vehicle, another testament to American post-war excess (and no knowledge of the dangers of smoking just yet).
We’d remark on how neat the analog clock is, as well, but Aston Martin and many other current luxury brands have brought that back (or, in Aston’s case, never gotten rid of it) so that’s not really very remarkable. What is remarkable, though, is that we managed to find exactly one photographic angle where this car doesn’t look like a cruise ship. And here it is:
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